Rev. Nancy’s Thoughts on Hospitality for Homeless Friends & Guests
I have received a number of questions about how to ensure the comfort of all who walk in our doors, with special consideration for our regular friends and other visitors who may be homeless and living with mental illness. Our Pastoral Care team is hoping to offer training that will be relevant to such care, but in the meantime, I’d like to share my thoughts and suggestions. I am alert to the fact that these thoughts may have an “us” and “them” tone, which I deeply regret. Please know that my intention is to address more deeply the specific needs that we all have around our hospitality in this area.1. As UUs and as an urban congregation, we of course welcome those friends who attend our services or Social Hour regularly as well as those sometime-visitors who make their primary home in the park across the street or elsewhere on the streets of our neighborhood.
2. Let us learn people’s names so that we can welcome them as the individuals of worth and dignity that all are. For example, James is the gentleman who is bent over and is often carrying his belongings in plastic bags; James is very bright and interesting, with a wealth of life experience and thoughtful suggestions to share when he is lucid. Ernie, or Ernesto (he has introduced himself to me with both his nickname and his full name), often sits in the Fireside Room with coffee and doughnuts; he is a kind and gentle man, in my experience. These are just two examples.
3. I believe that we have enough coffee and doughnuts to share with visitors who come to us simply for the sustenance and the quiet place to sit, rather than for our worship services. No need to feel anxious or proprietary on that score. If there is such a “run” on our Social Hour food and drink that it begins to break our budget, please let the Social Hour hosts know, and they will pass this information along to me and other church leaders. But as far as I can tell, we aren’t there yet!
4. At the same time, it is important to set appropriate boundaries. As a church, we do not have funds to offer the homeless, and we cannot set the expectation that we can help financially. (Some churches have food coupons to offer, but we would need volunteers to step forward to organize such contributions if we want to provide this kind of assistance.) Please do not give panhandlers money while inside the church. It is more rude to set an inappropriate expectation than to turn someone down. For the good of everyone, we need to be consistent in this message and in our behavior. I usually say something like this, calling the person by name if I have already learned it: “It’s not OK to ask people for money in the church. You are welcome to sit with us in worship and enjoy this beautiful space, or to help yourself to coffee in Hattie Porter Hall–it is good to have you here!–but we don’t have money to offer.” If the person persists in panhandling, let them know politely that we must ask them to leave.
5. Some of these homeless friends and guests are living with serious mental illnesses, and their symptoms, such as talking to themselves or to invisible partners, may be triggered while they are with us. Usually, a gentle “Hello, how are you doing?” or “Are you OK?” will bring them back to a level of awareness of their surroundings. Usually, these symptoms are not very disruptive. Again, a gentle “I’m having trouble hearing; could we please be quiet during the sermon?” is often effective. By the way, since I picked this particular example, please know that I can roll through most such disruptions while I’m at the pulpit without a problem; I’d rather have people feel welcome in our sanctuary. (We welcome young family members, babies, and more, too!!) It’s only when it’s clear that a mental-health client’s symptoms are making them and those around them very uncomfortable that action needs to be taken.
6. If someone becomes severely symptomatic and cannot regain control, it is helpful if one of our members will ask if the person would like to get a breath of fresh air–or even to step outside for a cigarette. Yep, I’ve just learned of the effectiveness of the latter proposal; I leave it to your ingenuity to figure out where to come by the supplies, if you’re not a smoker! If you need more assistance, please turn to a Worship Host or church leader.
7. We’ll be working with our Worship Hosts and other church leaders on developing skills for such interventions, and the Pastoral Care team is hoping to train folks specifically on issues of mental health. Such trainings may not occur for a couple of months, however. Meanwhile, you can internally rehearse how and if you would feel comfortable following up on the suggestions I’ve offered here. Again, less is usually more, and your own gentle approach is key. I often use the body language of approaching those who are symptomatic with a smile and my hands together at my chest–the Namaste gesture. For those who are asking for money, I am firm but kind, as I would be in any situation where boundaries need to be clear.
I hope these lengthy thoughts will help us to feel equipped to welcome all our guests and frequent visitors warmly and comfortably. When I get back from my vacation and study break (I’ll be away Sunday afternoon July 5 through August 4), I hope we can continue these conversations.
With much warmth and gratitude,
Nancy